Notes from Underground (p.5-12) 지하생활자의 수기, 원서 읽기

1. I can’t explain who it is precisely that I am mortifying in this case by my spite.

- mortifying: embarrassing

2. I did not take bribes, you see, so I was bound to find a recompense in than, at least.

- recompense: pay, redress.

3. I have seen myself that I only wanted to show off in a despicable way

- despicable: vile, base, mean, filthy

4. I carried on a feud with him for eighteen months over that sword.

- feud: 숙원 불화

5. Why, the whole point, the real sting of if lay in the fact that continually, even in the moment of the acutest spleen, I was inwardly conscious with shame that I was not only not a spiteful but not even an embittered man, that I was simply scaring sparrows at random and amusing myself by it.

- spleen: 불쾌, 악의
- embittered: bitter, sour, indignant, disapointed, crestfallen

6. I felt them positively swarming in me, these opposite elements.

- swarm: 떼를 지어 다니다 (보통 한 방향으로 떼를 지어 다니는 무리를 일컬을 때 사용하는 단어이며, 못마땅한 어감을 가지고 있다)

7. I am by no means such a mirthful person as you imagine, or as you may imagine; however, irritated by all this babble (and I feel that you are irritated) you think fit to ask me who I am—then my answer is, I am a collegiate assessor.

- mirthful: gay, jolly, merry, comical
- babble: gossip, chat, burble, blab
- collegiate: academic

* 지하생활자의 수기 제1장의 명언은 과연 이것이다.

“But what can a decent man spaek of with most pleasure?
Answer: Of himself.”
Well, so I will talk about myself.



[chapter 2]

1. But I was not equal even to that. I swear, gentlemen, that to be too conscious is an illness—a real through-going illness.

- through-going: overhauling, passing or extending all the way through

2. It would have been quite enough, for instance, to have the consciouness by which all so-called direct persons and men of action live.

3. The more consciouus I was of goodness and of all that was “sublime and beautiful,” the more deeply I sank into my mire and the more ready I was to sink in it altogether.

- 흔히 말하는 the 비교급, the 비교급 구문.
- mire: 수렁, bog

4. I got to the point of feeling a sort of secret abnormal, despicable enjoyment in returning home to my corner on some disgusting Petersburg night, acutely conscious that that day I had committed a loathsome action again, that what was done could never be undone, and secretly, inwardly gnawing, gnawing at myself for it, tearing and consuming myself till at last the bitterness turned into a sort of shameful accursed sweetness, and at last—into positive real enjoyment!

- gnawing: ‘g’는 묵음이다. 신경을 갉아먹는, 괴롭히는 이라는 뜻.

5. that even if time and faith were still left you to change into something different you would most likely not wish to change; or it you did wish to, even then you would do nothing; because in reality there was nothing for you to change into.*

- “were still left you toV”*

6. I, for instance, have a great deal of amour propre. I as as suspicious and prone to take offence as a humpback or a dwarf.

- amour propre: 자부심
- humpback: hump, crookback, cripple, 꼽추

7. And when one is slapped in the face—why then the consciousness of being rubbed into a pulp would positively overwhelm one.*

- rub into / rub … into
- rub into~: ~에 문질러 바르다
- rub … into: (교훈 등)을 마음에 새기게 하다
- pulp: 걸걸한 것, 걸쭉한 것, 과육, 쓰레기 같은 잡지

8. The worst of it is, look at it which way one will, it still turns out that I was always the most to blame in everything.

9. To blame, finally, because even if I had had magnanimity, I should only have had more suffering from the sense of its uselessness.

- magnanimity: generosity, liberality.
- even if I had wanted to be anything but magnanimous, had desired on the contrary to revengy myself on my assailant, I couldn not have revenged myself on any one for anything because I should certainly never have made up my mind to do anything, even if I had been able to.